Looking back about a year ago, I was in such a different place than I am right now. I have found that on very hard days, when Ana gets super loud, I make silly excuses and things just don't seem to be going my way, when I think I haven't made any progress I think of where I was a year ago and how much has changed. I may not be anywhere near recovered, but I sure am a lot closer than a year ago. The average length of time it takes to recover from an eating disorder is 7-8 years. I am not saying that I am months away close or even years away close to recovered. I just mean I am a lot closer than I was when I started. I'm learning new things about myself and about my eating disorder as each day progresses. Wether it be small triggers, figuring out which voice is Ana and which one is mine. I've learned that when I am feeling frustrated angry or heated I need to step away think about everything and then come back with a clear mind. For right now that is my coping strategy until I am able to gain more tools to be able to work through those emotions that take over me.
I havent been updating as much lately as when I was living in Prince George and had just gotten home from Prince George. There is many reasons for that. I don't live on my own at the moment so it makes it hard to be able to just sit down and focus on an entire blog post. I have had the worst writers block ever, just feeling blank or when I go to write I don't like what I'm writing so I just stop. I live with my mom where my daughter lives so it's always a busy house, which I don't mind because I get to spend this time with my daughter before heading off to treatment. I am great full that my family is so supportive in my recovery and has helped me as much as they can while I am residing here.
I got the update email that I should be hearing about my departure for treatment sometime very soon. I should leave in June. Right now I need to focus on staying on track with food, getting myself back up to six mini meals a day and continuing to maintain my BMI of fifteen, or maybe make that number bigger that would be great too.
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