Do you remember being in middle school or high school? Do you remember that really skinny girl, whom you used to call anorexic? Do you remember that you used that word as an insult, like it's the word "asshole". Do you remember throwing that word around like it wasn't hurtful? Do you remember how when you were in middle school or high school, how it was gross to be anorexic?
We need to start teaching our children the seriousness of this disease. We need to empower them to love their bodies of all shapes and sizes. We need to start being more aware of how not being educated on this can be harmful for our children. Anorexia is not gross.. It is scary, horrifying, mind controlling, selfish, unstable, emotional.. Anorexia otherwise known as "Ana" is a very serious disease. We need to teach our children that anorexia is in a way like cancer. It doesn't just go away, it can't be fixed with medication. Ana is a bitch. She's a cold hearted life taking bitch. She will walk into your life head high, and just start the storms, she will wreck everything and everyone who tries to stand in her way. She will control your thinking your eating your motivations she is haunting you every single day. Ana does not just disappear because you don't want to be anorexic. If that were so I would not be anorexic. Ana is serious. It is dangerous. It is life taking. Ana puts your body into something called "slow gear". Slow gear is when your mind slows down, your heart works faster to try and keep moving, your organs start slowing down, your hunger signs disappear. Your muscle start to spazz, you loose the fluids between your bones, it causes a lot of pain, bones become achy, you get a soft layer of thin hairs along your body, your skin starts to yellow. Ana is absolutely devastating to watch someone go through, it's even more devastating to go through.
I have lost friends, I have torn apart lives, including my own, I have lost my children, been arrested four times and charged four times aswell.. Ana has taken my life over completely, I started to literally look death in the face. I tried to be admitted into hospital, I tried to apply for inpatient treatment at two different locations. I absolutely felt helpless, I felt hopeless, insecure, I felt like the professional medical world had given up in me, I felt like my family had given up on me because Ana made me believe they did, I felt like my friends were out to get me, or not good friends at all. I was falling apart at every seam, every part of me was screaming for help like no one has ever screamed before, and it felt like no one heard me. I felt like a little ant on the ground who just couldn't get the humans to hear her, screaming louder, wrecking more havoc, ruining my life more and more each day, screaming louder, breaking friendships, screaming so loud I thought the world would be able to hear me, I was screaming in all the wrong ways, Ana had my life by her reins and she was winning. Ana is scary. She is a destroyer of lives, families, innocent women and men. A destroyer of everything in her path.
could I ever scream loud enough for those around me to hear.. Everytime I drive by a large field, I imagine running out with all my might into the middle and literally just screaming at the top of my lungs until I can't scream anymore!! Would they hear me then? Would they see me begging for help? Would their views of me change? Would anorexia still be an insult to them? Would it still be gross, that I'm starving myself because I can't control it?
We need to teach our children about the affects of anorexia. We need to educate to eliminate!
It is not a lifestyle choice, a fad or a fucking fashion statement. Ana is an evil bitch and the less you know the better she can get you.
Let's educate not discriminate!
Be more aware of what your saying and how it affects the person your saying it too. My whole life I was called anorexic for being underweight. I told myself I would never be. Honestly I didn't even think I was, until I learned about anorexia and the different types it has. Type Restrictive is the type that I am struggling with. I do not purge. If you don't understand what purge means, don't feel ridiculous I didn't know what it meant either, purging is throwing up. I restrict my food intake. Literally starve myself.
I don't have a desire to be thinner. I did not get this disorder because I wanted to be skinnier. I lost control of my life. I felt like I couldn't control any aspect of my life, and that's when Ana walked into my life, head high, ego high. Ana completely took over! I controlled my food because I couldn't control my life. Little did I know. That was Ana. So viciously starting to take over my life!
I am grateful for those who've supported my recovery, I am more than grateful for those who stuck me through it all, through the rage, through the storm, through the life destruction, I am thankful for those who have forgiven me for my mistakes.
I am grateful I gained enough courage to realize I need help and to start fighting against Ana. I will win. This bitch can't take me. I am stronger, I have children to live for and many years to see still! I am not done living my life.
So I say screw you Ana! I will day by day, little by little, change the way I let you control my life, one day you will be dead to me and you will not live in my mind any longer, one day I will have slowly and viciously killed you, because you can't take my life you are not allowed to have my life. I deserve better than you, I hate you!
THIS IS MY FIGHT AND I AM GOING TO WIN!
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