There is two different types of Anorexia. I didn't even realize I had this disease until I learn about the two types. One type is called Anorexia Binge and Purge Type and the second type is called Anorexia Restricting. Although they are different, they are both extremely dangerous, and potentially life threatening. Anorexia is a serious disease, wether your type restrictive or type binge and purge. The first time I am going to touch base with is Anorexia Binge and Purge type. I personally am not struggling with this type of anorexia. I have never purged before and I don't plan to. That doesn't mean it isn't as serious! That's why I am going to talk about both types and not just the one I am personally dealing with.
Anorexia Binge and Purge Type:
This type of anorexia is where someone would induce vomiting after eating. When they eat they get this sense of guilt, which leads to the purging. This can cause extreme damage to the digestive system, causing your oesophagus to burst because of the acid. Anorexia Binge and Purge is really terrifying. For both the person going through it and the people watching them go through it. The scariest part about this type of anorexia is that your food intake won't always stay in your body, which makes it really hard for your body to maintain health. It also makes it extremely difficult to maintain a healthy weight. Another way to purge is using laxatives, women sometimes take these to maintain a skinny figure. It causes your heart to work faster, your mind to work slower, your brain slows down, your skin starts to yellow, a thin layer of hairs grows along your skin, it's painful and scary. I can't imagine any women who is purging and happy about it, maybe there is. I've never experienced this type so I cannot say for sure exactly how the people are feeling while doing this, I can only imagine that they feel scared, lost and helpless. If we could just support recovery in this disease by encouraging recovery on social media, tv, just everywhere, like they do weight lose. We might just be able to change a few peoples lives! We might just be able to help make a girl not feel alone, feel strong enough to fight back, see that this can be openly talked about without hiding behind the computer screen, anorexia is not something to be ashamed of, but something to fight against and support recovery for! Let's show women with anorexia that they are beautiful and strong and that they deserve life too!
Now I'm going to get into Anorexia Restrictive Type. This may get emotional for me, and their may be a little more anger towards this type as I am struggling with it and seeing first hand how it affects my life and the lives around me.
Anorexia Restrictive Type:
Anorexia Restrictive is when the person will restrict the intake. Sometimes no intake at all goes into them at all. Mostly all the same health problems affect you, just not so much the oesophagus and digestive system. It's extremely painful. You loose hunger signs because you've been ignoring them so long. It's more of a tight knotting feeling in your upper stomach area, and Ana(anorexia) will just tell you that your sick or not feeling good. It's mind controlling, life consuming, world destroying, painful to go through and to watch, it's emotional and heartbreaking. Anorexia is a cold hearted bitch. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Ana will walk into your life with her head held high, Ana will start throwing storms this way and that way, Ana doesn't care that you have children, family and friends, Ana doesn't care that you want to get better mentally, physical and emotionally. Picking and poking and your mind, your body and the views you have of yourself and those around you. Ana sees someone you love trying to help you, so she's controls you to self destruct and rid your life of that person by literally being crazy. I've lost very close friends because of Ana. I may realize one day they were not friends at all but for now, I am going to use the anger I have of the lose of my close friends to fight for my life against Ana. Ana doesn't care that I want to be a mother to my children, she doesn't care that I almost lost my son while I carried him inside me, she doesn't care that she has taken over my life to the point of needing so much help I can't even recover around those I love.
I have had anorexia restrictive for many years now, and I had only accepted it earlier this year. I started connecting with a walk in counselling clinic in my town, and they helped me get a doctor, a pshycriatrist who specializes in eating disorder, a therapist and a dietician. During the times of getting this medical team set up, I had applied to a treatment center on an island away from everyone, I was denied after they put me through mental health counselling to see if it would work for me, they just kept telling me they wanted to do everything they could to keep me out of there. Stab. Right in the heart. I felt like they didn't believe me. I went to the hospital, to be admitted for anorexia. They wouldn't admit me, and honestly I don't really blame them. I wouldn't get the blood work because Ana was raging inside of me, I went to the hospital completely alone, so it was easy for Ana to take over and just walk out. I ripped up the prescription they gave me for vitamins because I didn't believe that taking a vitamin was going to make me any better. I had left and gone back three times. Being turned away every time, I was feeling like no one took me seriously, I felt like people didn't understand how serious this was, I felt like I just wanted to die. My parents felt like they couldn't help me, I felt like I'm to much for anyone to handle most days. I felt different and weird all the time. Did anyone understand me? Did anyone get how much I wanted help, hoe desperately I'm begging and pleaded for someone to just look me straight in the eyes and understand that I'm not evil, I'm not a horrible mother, I am not a monster. I am a broken and lost girl. I feel scared for myself and my children a lot. I couldn't imagine them having to live their lives without me. I am not a bad friend, I am not this person I've portrayed myself to me. Ana has taken over me, Ana has destroyed my life in many many ways. I lost who I am along the way, because I know I can be a great mother to my children. At age 15 I gave up drinking and partying I replaced it with cooking classes, baby groups, prenatal classes and baby classes, I went to school full time and then after Bella was born I went back to work full time when she was just six months old, while still attending school. I was striving in my life, on track to graduate on time. Then my relationships in my house started to slip, I started to drink more often and eventually I got arrested for assaulting my mom and step dad. Something I am in no way proud of. I am extremely ashamed of that day. I went to live with my dad and ending up Coming back only a few weeks later, only to find out I was pregnant again. At age 17, with an already 16 month old baby girl, while attending school. During all of this time, Ana was sneaking into my life. I started to restrict meals, and sometimes I would realize at 11pm I hadn't eaten yet. I struggled with Ana during my pregnancy with my son which is why I almost lost him. I eventually got kicked out of school for fighting and being arrested on grounds. Which made it so I couldn't graduate on time.
My life for two year was litterally over taken by Ana. Completely. I care about the ones I love, although Ana doesn't. Which turns to me loosing a lot of close people..
Anorexia restrictive is horrible, heart breaking, emotional, world destroying and absolutely just painful to be stuck in.
It is not a fad, a fashion statement or a lifestyle. Anorexia is a disease. A life threatening, world destroying, mind controlling, just like cancer disease.
Take it seriously. Support recovery.
You wouldn't want to be watching someone you love go through this and I know for damn sure you wouldn't want to be dealing with this. Help someone not feel alone. Reach out to even just one person and tell them your proud of them. Honestly it means the absolute world to me when people reach out and encourage me, it makes me feel strong not weak anymore, it makes me feel supported not alone anymore, it makes me feel like someone believes in me, even if it's just for a hour, or even just for a moment, it helps so much!
Educate to eliminate.
"No matter what we do we will never be able to change everyone mind about any disease. But if we can change that one kids mind, we can change the world!" - Kourtney Egan
A friend posted this on my page the other day and it really stuck with me.
It's important to remember that we aren't going to be able to change all the minds, but if we can start young and change the children's views we can change the world!
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