Accepting and Moving Forward

I've heard a lot of people say "the hardest part is accepting you have a problem."
I don't agree. I agree that accepting your problem is hard, it's more than hard, I know that from experience. That hardest part for me was accepting the help to get better. I mean you can accept that you have a problem, although accepting it isn't going to change the fact you have this problem. What's going to change it is accepting the help, and that's the scary part. Even though it's a problem in your life it's your comfort zone, your safety blanket, what your used to. Breaking out of that is the hardest thing.
I accepted I had anorexia for the first time about six months ago, I knew I had a problem with weight I just never realized it was this bad. I have had anorexia since I was 17, I'm now 20.
For me accepting it was hard but it wasn't the hardest part, once I accepted it, I had to take the next step, which was asking for the help I needed. I was terrified, being told your at risk for heart attack at 20 is a major wake up call. My counsellor helped me set up the help I needed, which was the easy part of getting help. Once I had the meetings set up, I realized that I was scared. My anorexia took over. "You don't need help" " your not sick" "this is you" "why change now" "your fine" "don't listen to them" "they don't want to help you" "run away" "don't get help" all these thoughts running through my head telling me getting help was a mistake. It went on for weeks. Finally my counsellor realized I needed a push, so she sat in with me on an appointment and that's when I realized, I need to do this, not for anyone else but me.
Accepting that your slowly killing yourself is really hard, I mean who wants to admit that? I sure didn't. I was afraid that if I was open and honest they would lock me up in a pshyc ward and throw away the key. I know dramatic, but I'm seriously, I was absolutely utterly afraid. I didn't want to be honest because I was afraid of the help. I was afraid that it wouldn't help.
All of this has been completely worth it. Choosing recovery and choosing to accept help was the hardest, most emotional things I have ever done, and in the same breathe was the most amazing thing that could have ever happened to me.
I didn't want to scare anyone but the team I had in Nanaimo was worried I wouldn't even make it three more weeks to move, so many medical professionals are appalled that I am not admitted into hospital with a feeding tube. I was sick, weak and very unhealthy.
Can you believe that, 20 years old and they're worried I am going to live three more weeks. That's when I knew I couldn't stop now, I wasn't about to quit on myself, I was staring death in the face, I was weeks away from it.. Terrified and scared, my counsellor told me over and over how serious this was. I don't think I'd be alive today if it wasn't for my counsellor (she's actually just a pshycriatric nurse). She saved my life, didn't give up on me when I would walk out, she would call me a few days later and tell me we were going to try again. That meant the world to me, it gave me hope for life again, it made me feel like I wasn't alone, like someone on this earth was rooting for me to get better.

Accept you have the problem, but don't just accept it. Move forward and ask for help, but don't just ask, move forward and accept the help, devote yourself back to yourself again! Your worth it!