Anorexia.. And Eating Disoders
It's been life changing, it's been painful, struggling, heartbreaking, scary and so much more. It's been a rough journey. It's been almost four years since I started struggling with anorexia. At first I really didn't see a problem, I didn't see how it impacted my life, my relationships, the people around me and especially my health. I've been down to 79 pounds and up to 115 all through out these years. This year it has gotten worse than I ever thought. The pain I had before wasn't like it got this year. I had started a new job, was really excited about it. Eight hours seven days a week, I was set. Only until the pain started to become horrendous, unbearable, I started going to the doctors because it was outrageous. They tried me on Naproxen. Helped for a few days then the pain became stronger. The doctor referred me to get X-rays and have me T3's. I tried to go back to work and the T3's did help but only for a short time. I went back and they gave me synthetic marjiuana. They just made me really loopy. I ended up having to quit my job because i wasn't able to sit for 8 hours a day. The doctors seen something small in my Xray so they decided to give me an MRI. Finally I got the MRI and the results came back that nothing was unusual. Finally after doctor visits upon doctor visits, I accepted I have anorexia, I mean really accepted it. I went to the drop in counselling place in the town I was living in, and the lady helped me realize how serious my problem was, she helped my doctors get more involved as well as get me a eating disorder pahycriatrist as well as a therapist and helped me apply for a treatment Center. After blood tests and doctor visits and therapist visits, everyone was becoming extremly concerned. I tried to admit myself into hospital for anorexia with a BMI (body mass index) of 13.5. Very very low! Constant pain, in my hips, my neck, shoulders, constant head aches and body aches, my hips crack and pop, they lock up and get stuck, my ribs get stuck sometimes and my entire body hurts, my skin is discoloured and I didn't even realize how badly it was getting. I got a dietician and she helped me realize. I am 20 years old and I am at risk of heart attack.. Heart attack... Scary. Life altering scary, wake up call to the max for me. Slow painful death is what is in my future unless I continue on the path of recovery, unless I continue to focus on me and my health. Anorexia has been hell, it's been more than a battle it's been a war. I cannot get through this alone and that's the biggest thing i want others with anorexia or any eating disorder to understand, I want you to understand that people need help, and it may not be from friends or family, I mean professionals, therapists, dieticians, pshycriatrists, pshycologists, serious help. It's a life long battle. It doesn't just get up and walk away, it will literally take your life. Anorexia is not a lifestyle choice. It is a disease. A mental illness. It isn't something to be taken lighten. It's a very serious illness. A painful one at that, if you know someone, are someone, used to be someone, are becoming someone with anorexia or an eating disorder, you are an amazing person, you deserve life and you deserve happiness, no matter what this disorder is telling you. Also you are not alone. If you need help to recover please get help to do that. This is scary and I hate knowing that other girls are going through this, especially knowing a lot of them are alone! Reach out to me if you need!