Why did I choose "take it out of the shadows"?

TAKE IT OUT OF THE SHADOWS to me speaks for itself. The stigma around eating disorders is the way it is only because we don't educate people enough on eating disorders. Did you know? Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of mental illnesses. The reason that it isn't always noted that people die from an eating disorder is because their death was a result of heart failure, organ failure, malnutrition or suicide. The medical complications are often written down as the cause of death, Instead of having it say eating disorder resulted in heart failure, organ failure, malnutrition or suicide. 
Eating disorders can affect anyone. I personally always said I will never become anorexic or have an eating disorder. It hurt me when people would think that of me as I have always been a  smaller girl. There are many reasons that eating disorders could come into your life. Control reasons, self esteem problems, trauma in your past and many more things. Not everyone has the same eating disorder and not everyone is affected exactly the same. Not everyone is treated the same and not everyone can recover the same. Eating disorders are hard to explain, even more so for someone who has never actually lived in the life of an eating disorder. I feel like when I try to explain it sometimes I find myself getting frustrated because I just cannot get the words right to explain whats going on inside me. A lot of people seem to believe that eating disorders are about food. That is not quite the case, its a little bit about the food. More about so many others things, like the way you see yourself and your body, its about a mental illness that is basically fighting your own self and own brain to overcome everything you do and say. 
An example of this for me would have to be I am afraid to ask for what I need or want in life. It takes me hours and hours to even ask someone for the food I've been wanting to eat for all those hours. Then when I do ask for it I get scared and emotional. 

Eating disorders are so in the shadows I didn't even know i had a problem until multiple doctors had asked me and counselors if I was anorexic over a period of approx. six years. It was absolutely devastating when I finally did admit to myself and to everyone else that I actually did have an eating disorder. It is truly and absolutely terrifying. I have said it before and I will say it again, I dont wish this upon any single person ever and I never will. This eating disorder has taken over my life in the most horrific ways. I choose #takeitoutoftheshadows after I started to share my story via blog as well as the video I posted to you tube, the reason for this is because of how many people reached out to me via email and private message that are ashamed to ask for help or even admit they have a problem to anyone else but themselves. Ive heard from people who think they may have a problem but they don't believe it because they do not look like the most severe cases out there. It is truly disheartening. People should not feel ashamed to come out and tell everyone they are struggling with an eating disorder. Its the way the world portrays eating disorders. 
Its so much less about the food than the mental aspect of it. It is so much more than just "picking up a fucking sandwich" as some would say or "being grateful for the food in front of you". I am grateful for the food infront of me, I cannot control the fact that I feel as if my body and throat are closing up and telling me not to eat. If you knew me before Ana (anorexia) came into my life you would know that me and food had a very healthy relationship, I looooove food. I still to this day try to tell myself that I love food and that we have a good relationship. As much as I have tried to trick myself or convince myself that I want the food, my mind and my body just completely have another plan for me. It feels like someone else is controlling your thoughts and your body. Which could play a huge part in why people feel shame towards getting help or coming forward to those around them. If you feel like someone is controlling you there is a pretty good chance you are going to feel like you are totally insane. For the record you are not insane. This is a terrible illness and it takes over your mind and body with full force. Ana is a disgusting evil horrible bitch. Please do not feel ashamed. You are worth life and worth every bite of food that your mind and body do allow yourself to eat!
Battling this disease in the shadows is absolutely not getting any one anywhere. I choose TAKE IT OUT OF THE SHADOWS because we need to change the way the world views eating disorders. The reason people view them the way they do is because they don't have enough information about eating disorders. Why? so many people hide away just letting themselves fade away to nothing and then no one hears about it. The only way that we can change the face of eating disorders and the way people view them is to start EDUCATING TO ELIMINATE!! I used to have anger towards the people who made insensitive comments towards eating disorders or my plea for help online, until I came to the realization that they just don't know enough about eating disorders to understand. There is a lot of information from doctors or professionals sure but what about the people who have been through it, who have experienced a life filled with eating disorders, who feel the excruciating pain every single day... What about the people being denied treatment or being told they aren't skinny enough to get the help they are so desperately trying to get. 
We need to start talking about eating disorders but not only talking about then. Educating people on the struggles we go through on a daily basis. I don't share my story because I want people to feel bad for me. I want people to learn from my words and my expiernces so that they can better understand eating disorders, or maybe not feel so alone if you do have an eating disorder. I want to make a change for my life, but not my life alone. For my childrens lives, my friends childrens lives, and for generations to come. I want too make a difference in the world of eating disorders not only for myself and the people close to me but for EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON struggling, watching someone struggle or has watched someones life be taken because of it. Its time to TAKE IT OUT OF THE SHADOWS, EDUCATE TO ELIMINATE LETS TAKE A STAND EVERYBODY! JOIN ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA FOR EATING DISORDER AWARENESS WEEK BY POSTING #TAKEITOUTOFTHESHADOWS 

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